It was late May, and we rolled into the parking lot of the Springs like we would any other summer day. It was still pretty early in the day, but it’s blazing hot by 7:00 am in Florida, so we were just happy to have beaten the crowds by a few minutes.
We set up our chairs, lathered up in sunscreen, and assumed our positions. I parked myself in the comfy beach chair with my beach book while my dad and Kate headed into the water that stays at a constant 72 degrees–too cold for me until I’ve baked in the sun for at least an hour.
Slowly, the people started trickling in.
Before I knew it, there was a giant speaker parked on the picnic table directly behind me. Moms with babies and pre-school/Kindergarten-aged kids overtook the small beach area like a swarm of hornets.
They sat in little pods, ignoring their kids and catching up on gossip as their husbands ended up chasing their kids into the water, stopping fights, and attempting to get their children to quit throwing sand.
I’m not even sure how this was possible, but the straw that broke this camel’s back was when a small child whose mom was sitting arm’s length away from me ran between our lawn chairs, stepping directly on Kate’s bag that had her glasses in it.
I got up, picked up our chairs, bags, and towels, and proceeded to move myself and our stuff as far away from the chaos as possible, cussing quietly under my breath the entire way through the three trips it took me as they all just sat there and watched.
After I had extricated myself, our belongings, and Kate’s bent glasses from the foray of moms, babies, and small children, I attempted to read my book–to no avail.
The chaos was too much, so I did what any self-respecting middle-aged woman would do–I eavesdropped.
As I was listening to all of these fascinating conversations and watching the moms with their Stanley cups interact, something struck me as odd.
I was the only woman on this beach NOT wearing a one-piece bathing suit or a swim shirt.
And, then I finally put all the conversations together and realized I was ambushed by the end-of-the-year party for a local Christian School.
I paid more attention to the wardrobe choices of the moms at the beach and laughed a little. They were all wearing one-piece bathing suits–new one-piece bathing suits, one-piece bathing suits that had clearly been purchased for these school and church outings and that collected dust in the closet when they were not being worn to these functions.
Because it’s Florida–which is essentially as hot as the surface of the sun itself.
And, body positivity–In the last five years, I had never seen this many women in one-piece bathing suits…total.
There was clearly a rule–written or implied–that women were to be in one-piece bathing suits or swim shirts that covered them.
I had flashbacks to my church camp days when we had to wear black shirts over our swimsuits–even the one-piece suits.
I get it! I have a “one-piece for church events” bathing suit too!
Mixed Messages on My Body:
This is a hard, hard topic. For some of you, this might be too much, and I understand that completely.
I mentioned last week that after I left the toxic church environment I had been raised in, I was happy to just be out of it. I didn’t take the time to process and heal from that until years later. I’m 44 years old, and I’m still trying to fully understand how to love my body–
Without shame.
Without guilt.
Without making myself smaller.
I grew up in the '80s and '90s, so it’s easy to point to the media as the culprit for all of the negativity surrounding my body. After all, those were the decades of Abercrombie & Fitch, the size 000, and models who were walking skeletons.
It’s easy to point the finger and think that’s the reason all of us in middle age have spent more time loathing our bodies than loving them, isn’t it? The truth of the matter, though, is that the media is only partly to blame. Were they A problem? Absolutely. Were they THEE problem? No. That runs much deeper.
While the media was on one shoulder telling us ladies we needed to eat less than 12 grams of fat a day and exercise seven days a week in order to be a size 000 and be seen as attractive, the church was on the other shoulder telling us we needed to dress “modestly” in order not to be a stumbling block to our “brothers in Christ.”
Throughout my adolescence, and even into my adult life, these are some of the teachings that were seared into my mind:
Men are visual, so women need to dress in a way that doesn’t cause men to sin.
Women should always wear shorts that are finger-tip length, shirts that don’t show any cleavage, and no spaghetti straps–because clearly, shoulders are too enticing.
No bikinis—that is too much for men to bear.
Only one-piece bathing suits–and preferably covered with a t-shirt.
It’s our responsibility, as women, to ensure men do not lust.
Female bodies are dangerous for men.
God commands women to dress modestly.
If you don’t dress “modestly,” you are dressing like a wh*re.
If men look at a woman and lust, it is the woman’s fault.
I’m not sure what reaction you had to these ideas. If you grew up in the church, the odds are sadly pretty high that you had similar experiences and received similar messages.
The thing that I’ve learned as I’ve worked to dismantle the shame and guilt of these teachings is that these are man-made (see what I did there) edicts. There’s no Biblical basis for these teachings. I could go on a tangent here about the patriarchy and control, but I’ll save you from that today.
Modesty–According to the Bible
There are two verses that are referenced most commonly when it comes to modesty:
“I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes” (1 Timothy 2:9, NIV).
“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight” (1 Peter 3:3-4).
If we read these verses through the lens of toxic religiosity–without context–I can understand how they can be interpreted to mean that women should dress in what is traditionally considered a “modest” manner. When taken in context and considered from the original Greek, though, the meaning becomes vastly different.
This is a serious issue, and it has nothing to do with how covered a woman’s body is. No, instead, it has everything to do with her heart, with her arrogance, and with her desire to flaunt what she has to anyone she comes in contact with.
This isn’t an issue of covering up your body, but it’s an issue of humility of heart. The word translated as “modesty” here literally means “downcast eyes.” The modesty being referred to here has to do with excess and pride. It has to do more with someone walking into church with designer clothes, glasses, shoes, and a handbag than it does with someone coming into the church in short shorts and a tank top.
This is an important distinction.
I hear people talking about and criticizing how scantily women are dressed, but I have never once heard anyone criticizing a woman for her Louis Vuitton handbag or Gucci dress.
Interesting, yes?
So, I know what you’re thinking–the Bible says we’re supposed to treat our bodies as temples. As is so common, this is another one of those verses that is taken so far out of context that it’s hard to even decipher the big picture in it sometimes.
If you want some good reading and to understand the context of Paul’s teaching here, let me encourage you to go back and read the entirety of I Corinthians 6 and not just this next-to-last verse that is so often quoted.
Paul ends I Corinthians 19 in this way:
Have you forgotten that your body is now the sacred temple of the Spirit of Holiness, who lives in you? You don’t belong to yourself any longer, for the gift of God, the Holy Spirit, lives inside your sanctuary.
You were God’s expensive purchase, paid for with tears of blood, so by all means, then, use your body to bring glory to God! (I Corinthians 6:19-20 TPT)
If you go back and read the chapter in its entirety, though, there’s one theme–the same theme that runs through most of Paul’s writing:
You can’t live for self and for Spirit; they are not compatible.
Throughout chapter 19, Paul talks about practicing evil–all kinds of evil–and how those who practice these types of evil won’t inherit the Kingdom of God. Like he typically does, Paul brings his argument back around to living life in the Spirit. He says:
But the one who joins himself to the Lord is mingled into one spirit with him. I Corinthians 6:17 TPT.
When we abandon our selfish lives and choose to live in the Spirit, we are joined with Christ–we become a temple for the Spirit–hence how our bodies are temples for the Holy Spirit.
We are the literal dwelling for the Holy Spirit.
Therefore, we should allow ourselves to be guided by that Spirit.
What the Bible Does Say About Our Bodies:
We were fearfully and wonderfully made–inside and outside.
Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Psalm 139:13-15 (MSG)
God didn’t create us for shame. He created us–both body and soul–as marvelous beings. Any theology/teaching that perpetuates the idea that we should be ashamed of our bodies, that our bodies are vessels for sin, and that we should somehow try to make them smaller or a little bit less is counter to God’s view of us.
God created us in His image, and we are very good.
So God created mankind in his own image,
in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them.
Genesis 1:27 NIV
God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.
Genesis 1:29 NIV
God created us in His image–both male and female bodies. He doesn’t say they were shameful, sinful, or vessels for sin. No, He says they are very good.
Let that sink in for a few minutes.
God created you in His image–your body–and it is very good…
We are responsible for our own thoughts and actions–no one else’s.
“Your ancestors have been taught, ‘Never commit adultery.’ However, I say to you, if you look with lust in your eyes at a woman who is not your wife, you’ve already committed adultery in your heart. If your right eye seduces you to fall into sin, then go blind in your right eye! For you’re better off losing sight in one eye than to have your whole body thrown into hell. And if your right hand entices you to sin, let it go limp and useless! For you’re better off losing a part of your body than to have it all thrown into hell.
Matthew 28:27-30 TPT
This is one of my favorites.
Do you notice what’s missing in this?
Victim-blaming
Victim-shaming
Jesus doesn’t tell the men that if they are lusting, they should tell the woman to put on more clothes. He doesn’t tell men that they are biologically wired as visual and can’t help themselves.
No.
This isn’t about the woman at all. It’s not about the object of the lust in any way shape or form. It’s about the man and his thoughts–the thoughts that he has control over.
For some reason, this is the only area where we give a pass for the sin and blame someone else. Can you imagine what would happen in the world if we did that with every sin?
The keys were in the car, so I had to steal it.
The waitress didn’t come back immediately, so I didn’t think I should pay my bill.
Google was right there, so I thought I should just look up the answers.
The bar’s on my way home, so I had to stop.
My car started, so I drove home drunk.
We wouldn’t even begin to accept these excuses because we recognize the absurdity in them. For some reason, though, we give a pass on this and shift the blame from the person who is sinning in their lust to the victim of the lust.
And, that’s degrading to both men and women. It tells men they can’t help themselves, and it tells women they have to dress a certain way in order to save men from themselves.
We should respect our bodies and the bodies of others.
Jesus answered him, “The most important of all the commandments is this: ‘The Lord Yahweh, our God, is one!’ You are to love the Lord Yahweh, your God, with a passionate heart, from the depths of your soul, with your every thought, and with all your strength. This is the great and supreme commandment. And the second is this: ‘You must love your neighbor in the same way you love yourself.’ You will never find a greater commandment than these.”
Mark 12:29-31 TPT
At the end of the day, this is what it comes down to: Loving God, Loving People, and also loving ourselves.
Reclaiming My Body:
There’s so much here to unpack, and even though I’m way over on my word count, the reality is that I haven’t even scratched the surface.
If you lived in this place of feeling shame about your body, fear that made you feel like you needed to cover it up all the time, guilt over how your body was negatively affecting someone else, and/or constantly trying to make yourself a little less, I pray that you will begin to heal from this trauma and begin to understand these truths:
Our bodies are not our enemies.
We were meant to love our bodies and never to loathe our bodies.
We need to celebrate our bodies that are wonderfully made and that God sees as very good.
The nudge of the Holy Spirit and the still small voice of God can be drowned out by loud men if we let them; we can’t do that any longer.
There’s so much negativity in the world today.
There are so many people telling us what we should do, what’s best for us, what’s best for other people, but the more I read the Bible and the closer I draw to my Creator, the more I realize that the Holy Spirit will guide me if I’m open to that guidance. So, while I don’t have a hard and fast dress code for you, and I don’t have rules I think you should follow, I am confident that if you place this in God’s hands, if you ask for the Holy Spirit to help you to reclaim your body, and you approach this topic with humility, God will guide you to a place of acceptance, hope, grace, and truth that works for you.
And, that’s all we can really ask for, isn’t it?
Reflections:
What does your inner monologue look like when it comes to your body?
What are the dangerous/toxic beliefs you were taught about your body?
What do you need to do in order to begin to reclaim your body?