When Russ and I started dating, I asked a million questions.
After my divorce, I vowed to do things very differently. Consequently, when Russ and I started to get serious, I probed, prodded, and questioned some more for the first several months of our relationship. It didn’t matter how trivial it seemed, if I had a question, concern, or needed more information, I asked, processed, and dug deeper.
This was a huge change for me, but I promised myself that I would never be silenced in a relationship again and that I would ask questions, state my needs, and express my feelings regardless of the outcome.
It was a difficult transition for me at times because I had to constantly convince myself that advocating for myself was worth it–that if Russ responded negatively, that would be a sign for me to run away. It took a long time–years–for me not to be anxious before I talked to him about my feelings or issues within our relationship. I struggled with the fear that he would react by attacking me and my feelings, belittling me and my opinions, or shifting into a victim mentality–even though he had never done any of those things in the past.
It is tough to break the chains of our conditioning.
See, it wasn’t just in my first marriage that I had been conditioned to walk on eggshells, keep the peace, and not ask questions–my entire adolescent church experience had taught me the same thing. There was no room for questions, and especially no room for doubt within that belief system.
Even when things didn’t compute or didn’t make sense, questions were not to be asked, and if they were asked, they were met with the same rehearsed answers. I distinctly remember questions raised by people who hadn’t grown up in that church asking these types of questions:
You say that the Bible says you have to be baptized, but what about the thief on the cross?
You say women can’t be in leadership and can’t be pastors, but what about Anna, Deborah, and the women who followed Christ?
You say you can only get divorced if there’s infidelity, but what about mental, physical, emotional, or spiritual abuse?
All around me in other churches and faith communities, though, I saw women who loved God with all of their hearts following him into leadership positions, individuals who were fully devoted to Jesus but had only been sprinkled or not baptized at all living their best lives, and healthy blended families who clearly loved and served Jesus flourishing and serving.
It didn’t compute with the theology I was taught, though.
Even though I saw these people all around me, as soon as a question related to any of this theology would enter my mind, I would shut it down immediately or remember all the cherry-picked scriptures I had been brainwashed to respond to these situations with.
It was exhausting.
And confusing.
And binding.
It was years after I left that church before I embarked on my deconstruction/reconstruction journey. In so many ways, I knew that what I had experienced in that church was “wrong,” but I didn’t have the tools to figure out what was “right.” It was only after that deconstruction/reconstruction journey that I realized I might never have it all figured out, I might always have questions, and what I think is “true” and “right” in theology today might change completely tomorrow.
That was something I could have never admitted in my previous church.
This underlying current ran through “the brotherhood,” saying “We’re right. We have all the answers. We have this all figured out. Anyone who questions or disagrees with us is wrong.” I think the root of that was fear–fear that they might be completely wrong, they might have nothing figured out, and fear that questions might let everyone else in on that secret.
It was a terrible way to live, believe, and serve.
I grew up hearing all about the freedom we have in Christ, but I never felt free in that environment. I didn’t experience true freedom in Christ until I had rid myself of all of that harmful theology, understood grace, and started to grasp the fact that God not only loved me unconditionally just as I am, but that he reveled in my questions, doubts, and pursuits of his truth.
I’m going to spend the next several months working through Luke and looking beyond what Jesus would do to what Jesus DID do, and today, I’m excited to talk about the first thing we see Jesus purposefully doing–asking questions.
Jesus Listened and asked Questions
We only know a few details about Jesus’s early life on earth:
The shepherds visited him and told of the miraculous thing they witnessed (Luke 2:17-18)
He was named at his circumcision ceremony on the 8th day after his birth (Luke 2:21)
Forty days after his birth, Mary and Joseph took him to Jerusalem to dedicate him (Luke 2:22)
Simeon cradled Christ in his arms outside the temple and prophesied (Luke 2:28)
Anna prophesied about him while Simeon was holding him (Luke 2:38)
Jesus grew up in Nazareth in Galilee and grew more powerful in grace as he grew in wisdom because the favor of God was on him (Luke 2:40)
That’s the extent of what we know about Jesus’s childhood until he turned 12 and his parents took him to Jerusalem to observe Passover. This is how Luke describes it in Chapter 2:
A full day after they began their journey home, Joseph and Mary realized that Jesus was missing. They had assumed he was somewhere in their entourage, but he was nowhere to be found. After a frantic search among relatives and friends, Mary and Joseph returned to Jerusalem to search for him.
After being separated from him for three days, they finally found him in the temple, sitting among the Jewish teachers, listening to them and asking probing questions. All who heard Jesus speak were awestruck at his intelligent understanding of all that was being discussed and at his wise answers to their questions.
His parents were shocked to find him there, and Mary scolded him, saying, “Son, your father and I have searched for you everywhere! We have been worried sick over not finding you. Why would you do this to us?”
Jesus said to them, “Why would you need to search for me? Didn’t you know that it was necessary for me to be here in my Father’s house, consumed with him?”
Mary and Joseph didn’t fully understand what Jesus meant.
Jesus went back home with them to Nazareth and was obedient to them. His mother treasured Jesus’ words deeply in her heart. As Jesus grew, so did his wisdom and maturity. The favor of men increased upon his life, for he was greatly loved by God. Luke 2:40-52 TPT
I’ve heard so many sermons talking about this section of scripture in my life. They typically involve topics related to how Jesus was a normal kid–except he never sinned, how Mary and Joseph were typical parents, and then the others that talked about how Jesus knew his place was in his Father’s house doing his Father’s work.
This story does reveal all of those things. And, as Western parents in today’s world, we tend to ask questions about how Mary and Joseph could have lost Jesus and not known where he was for an entire day, and how it could have taken them three days to find him, but I want to take a minute to focus on one specific statement in this story (emphasis mine).
After being separated from him for three days, they finally found him in the temple, sitting among the Jewish teachers, listening to them and asking probing questions. All who heard Jesus speak were awestruck at his intelligent understanding of all that was being discussed and at his wise answers to their questions. Luke 2:46 TPT
We’ve probably all heard this statement more times than we can count. We know Jesus was sitting in the temple with the teachers/rabbis. We’ve probably talked about how interested he was in teaching and learning at such a young age, but look a little closer at this scene.
Mary and Joseph found him sitting in the temple with the Jewish teachers, and he was listening and asking probing questions–the same technique we would see him employ throughout his ministry here on Earth.
Listening.
Asking Probing Questions
What DID Jesus Do?
Can you picture this scene?
It makes me think of those kids in middle school who listen intently and then proceed to ask a dozen thought-provoking questions that drive you a little crazy while making you think deeply. They don’t argue, but they don’t give up. They just keep probing until they finally get to the very bottom of an issue, question, or assignment. They ask questions you’ve never really thought about, and they make you think deeper than you might have thought about that topic before.
That’s what I see happening here.
The Jewish leaders would be teaching. Jesus would be listening intently. Then, all of a sudden, he’d tilt his head a little and get that questioning look on his face. When the teacher paused for breath, I could see him raising his hand and asking a question that forced the teacher to go a little deeper or think a little more out of the box. Then, the teacher would answer his question patiently and thoroughly before the same thing happened again. And again, until finally, they would take a break and come back to discuss another topic.
I love this picture of Jesus, and I love the example that he sets for us here:
A patient listener
A thoughtful questioner
An attentive student
An inquisitive mind
And, I love the fact that in his wisdom–even at 12 years old–he didn’t argue, he didn’t tell the Jewish teachers they were wrong, he wasn’t arrogant, and he didn’t flaunt his knowledge or position. Instead, he:
Sat with people.
Listened to hear them.
Created relationships with them.
Asked probing questions to make them think more deeply
How much different would our world be today if we did more of this and less arguing, less judging, less listening only enough to craft our next attack, and less cherry-picking scripture just to prove our points?
Listening and Questioning in Our Own Lives
I’ve said for years that a system that won’t allow questions should be avoided. As a parent, one of the phrases I hate hearing from other parents is “Because I said so.” If we can’t logically and lovingly explain why we’re making a choice for our children, we need to re-evaluate that choice.
The same is true in our churches. If we question theology, and we’re told we can’t ask questions, or that’s just the way it is, or “because they said so,” that’s a giant, waving red flag that should make us run for the door.
In the Bible, there are 183 questions asked to Jesus directly. He only answered three of those questions directly–when Pilate asked him if he was a king, when the disciples asked him how to pray, and when a Pharisee asked what the greatest commandment was. Conversely, he asked over 300 recorded questions in his preaching, teaching, and conversation.
He listened so intently that he could ask questions to help his audience dig deeper, think more complexly, and draw their conclusions.
We need so much more of that in our world.
I’m sitting here thinking about the comment sections on social media, the news, our relationships, our families, and even our churches, and I can’t help but think how much differently everything would be if we listened more, questioned more, thought more, and committed ourselves to growth and understanding instead of arguments and fighting.
Friend, I hope the next time you’re faced with a situation where you can respond or listen, that you listen first, that you question respectfully, and that you find the answers to the questions you’re looking for. I hope that as we ponder what Jesus would do in our world, we continue to remember what Jesus DID do.
Reflections:
How well do you listen to comprehend instead of listening to respond?
What are your biggest struggles when it comes to listening and responding respectfully?
How do you handle your questions and doubts related to your faith, theology, church, etc?
I especially love these reflection questions - these are types of questions I talk about in leadership development training as well - posturing ourselves as listeners and able to give thoughtful responses as opposed to reactive ones. I love how Jesus will always be the best example of servant leadership. Such a thoughtful and well-developed post!