Growing up, the biggest battle I faced wasn’t about food or survival. It was the battle of words at our supper table.
We ate our share of government cheese and bread, but the real conflict at the dinner table wasn’t about food or finances. It was about the heated arguments, words, and debates that unfolded every night.
I’m now 45, and I still don’t fully understand how or why these debates started, but somewhere along the way, my family decided that the dinner table was the best place for discussions about politics, religion, school, sports, books, and nearly every topic imaginable.
I know it’s 2024, and some of you might find this disturbing. I get it—this wasn’t the healthiest environment for family discussions. But hey, that's what therapy is for, right?
Every dinner ended the same way: loud arguments and my mom leaving the table in tears.
No matter the topic, it quickly turned into a shouting match, where no one listened and everyone just tried to outshout each other.
Through these debates, I learned to think critically, to spot flaws in arguments, and to defend myself. But I also learned to ignore others' feelings and use sarcasm as a weapon. These skills helped me win arguments, but they hurt my relationships.
Have you ever found yourself in a conversation where winning felt more important than listening?
In high school, I took Speech and Debate and quickly realized my dinner-table training had prepared me well. I remember the first time I made an opponent cry after tearing apart their arguments. I won—but at what cost?
That moment planted a seed: words can win battles but also wound deeply. Over time, I began to see how Jesus used words—not to destroy, but to bring life, even to those who rejected Him.
Photo by Pavel Danilyuk: https://www.pexels.com/photo/a-signage-with-lights-posted-on-a-black-wall-6612712/
The Power of Words: Choosing Life Over Destruction
Sadly, it wasn’t until much later that I began to understand the true power of words and made the conscious decision to stop using them as weapons.
I grew up in church and was familiar with its theology, but I didn’t truly understand Jesus—His teachings or His example.
For years, I missed how Jesus demonstrated that hateful words reflect a hateful heart. It took years for me to see the contrast between the verbal battles I had grown up with and the life-giving words Jesus modeled.
In Luke 9, we see a powerful example of Jesus choosing love and life over destruction.
Jesus let nothing distract him from departing for Jerusalem because the time for him to be lifted up drew near, and he was full of passion to complete his mission there. So he sent messengers ahead of him as envoys to a village of the Samaritans. But as they approached the village, the people turned them away. They would not allow Jesus to enter, for he was on his way to worship in Jerusalem. Luke 9: 51-53 TPT
Jesus was on a mission to Jerusalem, but when He sent messengers to a Samaritan village, the people turned Him away. Jews and Samaritans had a long history of mutual hatred, with Jews often going out of their way to avoid Samaritan towns. But Jesus chose to walk right into one—not with judgment, but with love.
Choosing Life Over Destruction in Our Modern World
Do you see the significance here? Jesus, a Jewish rabbi who should have avoided the Samaritans, chose to enter their village in love—not to judge them, but to offer them life.
Jesus sent His messengers ahead to prepare the Samaritans for his message of life and love, even though His culture and religion taught Him to avoid them. Unlike my approach to debates, where winning was everything, Jesus approached His enemies with love and a desire to bring life.
Photo by Christina Morillo: https://www.pexels.com/photo/two-women-sitting-on-chairs-beside-window-1181719/
What Does Your Speech Reveal About Your Heart?
A conversation I had recently in a small group resonated deeply. We discussed KB’s book Dangerous Jesus, which explores tough issues like slavery, racism, and immigration—topics that challenge the comfort of many in the church. One person asked, “When I read about these things, I keep asking myself: What side would I have been on? Would I have stood up for what’s right?”
Jesus was on the side of history that chose to bring love and life to people His own culture despised. I wonder, how many of us today prefer to walk miles out of our way to avoid those we see as different?
Choosing Life Over Destruction: A Call to Action
In Luke 9, after the Samaritan village rejected Jesus, His disciples, Jacob and John, wanted to call down fire from heaven to destroy them. Jesus rebuked them, saying, “The Son of Man did not come to destroy life, but to bring life to the earth.” (Luke 9:55 TPT)
This lesson is as relevant today as ever. How often do we react like Jacob and John—hoping for destruction instead of life for those who hurt us or reject us?
In today’s world, it’s easy to fall into the trap of responding with hate, judgment, and destruction. Social media and the news are filled with examples of this.
Jesus didn’t come to destroy life; He came to bring life to everyone, even those who are different, those who hurt us, and those we see as “wicked.”
Imagine if we allowed love and life to flow from our words every day, to everyone we encounter. No exceptions. No justifications. Just life-giving love.
Looking back, I see how the dinner-table debates taught me how to destroy others instead of loving them. For many of us, choosing life in every interaction requires rewiring our thinking to practice empathy, listening before we speak, and remembering that everyone we meet is someone Jesus loves deeply.
Photo by Tirachard Kumtanom: https://www.pexels.com/photo/two-women-holding-pen-601170/
Practical Steps to Choose Life Over Destruction:
Practice empathy: Try to understand where the other person is coming from before responding.
Listen first: Rather than preparing to speak, take time to truly hear others.
Rewire old mindsets: Reflect on how you can approach people with love, even if they differ from you.
Remember the power of words: Your words can either build bridges or walls—choose life-giving language.
Reflections:
What barriers keep you from embracing those who are different from you?
What do your words reveal about your heart?
How can you rewire your thinking to bring love and life to others?
I think when we choose to be peace bringers we are also bringing love and hope into our relationships.
This post could change the world! Thanks for both this glimpse into your life as well as the inspiration to put loving well over being right. This is a game-changer, friend!